Overbearing dad faces pushback after demanding reluctant 16-year-old lives with him instead of her mom: '[he] is telling me my mother isn't a fit parent'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 7, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Parenting done by two people who don't live under the same roof always adds an extra layer of difficulty to an already difficult task. The logistics of where the kids are going to be and when is rarely a simple process. It can even be tricky when you are the child in this situation because you never know when you might get used for an exercise in petty point scoring. 

This is something one 16-year-old Redditor found out recently after her dad demanded that she live with him instead of her mom. His reasoning was that the mom was going through some medical treatment at the time, but the teenager was quick to reveal all the ways in which her dad's house was a much less enjoyable place to be. It's no surprise that Reddit sympathized with her, and people were ready with advice. It kind of seems like the dad had some ulterior motives.

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  • 01
    NOTES
    via John Lord Vicente

    Photo does not show the real subject of the story

  • 02
    AITA for telling my dad I'm not going to live with him?
    via annieorange1321
  • 03
    For some background, I'm 16, and I live with my mom and see my dad sometimes. My parents aren't divorced or married, they just don't live together and never have. My mom is going through cancer treatment. She didn't want to tell anyone, but my dad found out, and now he wants me to come live with him. I don't want to.
    via annieorange1321
  • 04
    My dad's house stresses me out. Too many people live there. It's him, his sister, his father, his other kids (24M and 22F), and a revolving door of cousins. It's so loud. Someone is always screaming. It's technically bigger than my mom's place, but there's nowhere near enough space. I have to share a room with 22F and any visiting cousins. I couldn't keep anything there even if I wanted to unless I want it destroyed or thrown away in an attempt to "clean up" because there's too much stuff everyw
    via annieorange1321
  • 05
    My mom's house is the opposite. Unless her friends are over, it's just me and her. It's clean, quiet, relaxed. Of course there's talking and we play music at all hours, but it's a normal volume. There's almost never yelling. I have a cat (another thing not possible at my dad's), my own room, even my own bathroom. We have an entire area dedicated to books and records, something that could never happen at my dad's.
    via annieorange1321
  • 06
    I've tried to tell him politely that I want to stay with my mom. Her treatment isn't that major. She says it was caught early and everything should be back to normal before the end of the year. He didn't take it well, and is telling me I don't get a choice here, he's my father, and my mother "isn't a fit parent" right now. I don't agree. My mom is fine! There's not even a custody order in place or anything, and it seems too late to get one as I'm already 16. We had a huge argument. He's calling
    via annieorange1321
  • 07
    VisionAri_VA NTA. My Mom was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year. Like your mom's case, it was caught early, she's already completed her treatment and she's fine. And, like in your mom's case, the treatments weren't debilitating and her life pretty much went on as usual. Plus, you're 16 and likely already caring for yourself to some extent.
    via VisionAri_VA
  • 08
    So between that and your mom's condition, there's no need for you to shift houses. Tell your dad that if the situation starts to go sideways, you'll let him know. And tell your half-siblings to mind their own business. On a side note: if your mom were actually sick from the cancer and/or treatment, did he expect you to just up and abandon her at a time when she most needed help?
    via VisionAri_VA
  • 09
    Unholy_mess169 Sounds like dad's sick of paying child support. NTA
    via Unholy_mess169
  • 10
    No_Bandicoot2301 He probably isn't paying child support. Not married, never have been. Never lived together, and no custody order. He's trying to save face to someone I bet because he's definitely not paying child support. Custody orders have to exist for child support to exist.
    via No_Bandicoot2301
  • 11
    abstractengineer2000 They are vile to take away the only source of support that the mom has during this trying time. They have no empathy.
    via abstractengineer2000
  • 12
    egwynona Not "real life"? Is your mom's house in virtual reality? Narnia? You know what sounds like dealing with "real life"? Stepping up to take care of your mother while she undergoes cancer treatment. Maybe she doesn't need much actual care, but I'm sure having her loving daughter around for moral support and maybe doing some extra dishes sometime will mean a lot to your mom. NTA, your dad is though. It doesn't sound like him telling you to move in comes from concern for your wellbeing and mo
    via egwynona
  • 13
    Welford Nelferd NTA. It makes zero sense for you to uproot your life in this scenario. Don't even entertain your Dad's (or his other "kid's") antics. Stay right where you are with a perfectly clear conscience. Had your mother weighed in on any of this? Seems to me should would appreciate your staying with her while she's going through treatment...even if it's not "major".
    via WelfordNelferd
  • 14
    MaleficentProgram997 Sounds like everyone's jealous of your idyllic life and don't want you to have it. Stay with your mom. It sounds awesome there.
    via MaleficentProgram997
  • 15
    Virtual-Act-9037 NTA. You are old enough to make your own decision on where to live. You are also old enough to help your mother while she is undergoing treatment. That could be by cooking cleaning, or as you are old enough to get a license, driving her to medical appointments. You could even say that you are showing more "filial piety" by remaining with your Mom to assist her instead of moving in to your father's home with his other children.
    via Virtual-Act-9037
  • 16
    11SkiHill Stay put. Dad does not seem to have your best interest in mind. His kids need ti mind their own business. Would money come with you? Why are they so insistant? Good luck.
    via 11SkiHill
  • 17
    Forward_Nothing5979 NTA Glad you got your smarts from your momma. She knew never to live with him ever either. I truly wish her a speedy recovery. Ignore dad and that madhouse. It sounds bad there. If the extended family keeps calling, block the numbers and relax. Your father will calm down eventually to have a conversation. When he does tell him moving would be more work than it's worth. Explain you like moms home, the school district, and the quieter atmosphere. He will understand or he won't.
    via Forward_Nothing5979
  • 18
    BroWhat917 NTA. Your dad and his family are not being good people. Trying to take away someone's child while they're going through treatment is disgusting. And the stress it would add to you is even more disturbing. Your dad doesn't care about your happiness. And I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
    via BroWhat917
  • 19
    notlikeyou71 NTA that house sounds like a nightmare. If your mom says it's okay for you to be home with her, stand up for yourself and stay with her.
    via notlikeyou71
  • 20
    blackwillow-99 NTA siblings are upset you got it better. Dad is upset but has no grounds to stand on. He can go for custody and once the judge hears you that will be thrown out. Stay where you are happy. He can't physically force you.
    via blackwillow-99

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aita teenagers family reddit thread Reddit kid siblings dad argument mom
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